Beyond Chronic Chaos

Fear of Failure

Fear of Failure

Ooooo the fear of failure is such a huge thing!!!  It is so crippling!  I have a HUGE fear of failure!  If I can’t do it right the first time I often give up and don’t ever try again, aka perfectionist.  What?!!  NOT ME!!! Hahaha ya right.

Our son a couple weeks ago said he wanted to play baseball next spring.  Awesome!  Yes!  Then all of a sudden this weekend he was talking with his dad about it and said he doesn’t want to play.  Joe let it go.

This was news to me, so of course being mom I had to find out where it came from!  It’s not like him to say he wants to do something without a lot of though anyways.  So changing his mind is really out of character.

I was just talking to him about it and the surface answer to not wanting to play is when he was six years old (he is 13 now) and played, he didn’t like it so he won’t like it now.  Good cover son but that excuse is so lame!  Try again!  I dug a little deeper and it is his fear of failure and not doing it perfectly.

I hate that the voice in his head, that is with him all the time, breaks him down.  I wish there was away I could smash it!  I would never allow another human being to stand there and talk to him the way that voice does.  

Fear of Failure (FOF) is so real for so many of us.  Combine it with the voice in our head that preaches limited beliefs (LB) to us and some of us become paralyzed.  

One of my biggest LB is that as soon as I start another project that my endometriosis will strike again and I won’t be able to continue, so I why should I even start.  This has been the cycle of my biggest goals failing in the past.  I started doing really well with my Pampered Chef business and bammm time for another surgery because the endometriosis is out of control.  I started my blog, bammm here we go again another surgery.   I started healthy habits and bamm I can’t get out of bed for weeks.  

I have “good” reason to have that LB but I am letting “someone else” win.  That someone else is the voice in my head that likes to preach to me to play it safe and stay stagnant.

While at Rise conference, one of the speakers said that she killed off that voice in her head.  She figured she created it, so she can kill it too.  Wow!  Yes!  That’s what I want to do.  I am on a mission to figure out how to kill off my own negative Nancy in my head and create a new more loving one.

We all need to be more loving to ourselves.  This starts with combating the self critic with positive affirmations.  Do you need to have your phone send you affirmations multiple times a day?  Do you need to put up post-it notes all around your house with loving messages?  Do what you need!  I do a little bit of it all.  

We need to be examples of not being afraid to fail, so our kids are shown examples of how they need to approach life.  As parents we also need to be careful with the way we approach our kids failures.  I know I resort to disappointment when my kids mess up.  I need to be better with it so they don’t start to have my voice as their inner critic.

I was just talking to my friend about her daughter helping out another kid who is having problems at home.  While her daughter was telling her the story my girlfriend wanted to scream at her daughter, “Do you know you do this?”  It is so often that we see in others the faults that we have ourselves.  

I always can see my bad habits when they are mirrored back at me.  And I notice the bad habits my kids have, way more when it is the thing I don’t like about myself.  I just needed to reach out and walk through the thoughts of fear of failure, when I saw my own gentle boy doing it to himself.  We all need to work on it!!!

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